Mungkin Nanti

I was listening to this song and I remembered that long ago I had a friend who loves this song so much. I shared it with him then we had a fight..I'm sad that it happenned but I guess it just had to happen..the fight. He has his own ego and so am I. I know I was not at fault..it was his. He had to apologize cos he embarassed me and had tarnished dignity.

Now at the office, I'm not the same person as I was before. I'm not as happy go lucky..no more exchanging hellos with anyone..and I became a very angry person. I'm a bit mellow now after a few exchange of words between my colleagues..I had to become cool. I cannot loose my temper at all..but it's difficult. Because of that so called friend..I had to restraint myself. I was not able to let go of the anger that I've kept for few months now..and I'm losing it..really bad.

Since that incident in October, I've been asking myself..how could a person I really thought as friend could betray me so much just to save himself. How could he?? and why?? He had a fight with his wife but why was I involved for no appearent reason. And then the wife came to my office for what purpose? To put me down, to embarrased me.? To add to that, she could even say bad things about me...so I'm still wondering what he had said to his fe...did he told her that I really had a thing for him? Come on...he is just a friend..normal friend...sometimes I feel like going up to him and ask why in the world you would want to do that to your own friend?? Why?? What baffled me most is the he's a guy?? For all I know, a man never do that to his friends..so there goes..another friend down the drain.

The anger, however, does not stop there. I was abandoned as well by another good friend. He left without a word, without explanations, without even saying goodbye. It hurts so bad..real bad. How could someone be such a coward? I thought he was different, guess I thought wrong. I know it would end...but I just need an explanation. Is it that hard to explain to me? That's all I asked for..nothing much..but I guess I won't get that answer..even if I leave this place. Maybe that's why people say 'somethings are better left unsaid'..guess the phrase were invented to console that person eh..

I've lost a lot of things this year..friends..money..happiness and cheerfulness..and gained a heart that's full of anger and sadness. But at least I know I have a true friends who are there when I'm down..who are there when the time is rough...even if I let out my anger to them. Right now, I'm just trying to find myself again..be that person who I was before..